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Michael Baisden Commentary: Relationships: Do We Really Know What We’re Getting Into?
Recently, I shared with my listeners that I am single. In that Facebook post I stated, “I'm not at a point in my life where I am ready to share my hectic life and ever changing schedule with another person. To have a successful relationship you must be willing to make that special person a priority. Right now my career is my priority.”
The response was a reflection of how difficult it can be for people to accept honesty. Some women accused me of being afraid of commitment and making excuses for not settling down. Others said I was being selfish because I was not sharing my success. And the most humorous of all was that I’m gay. Excuse me for a second while I slap myself on the forehead…. unbelievable!!!!
So, let me get this right, if a man or woman chooses not to be in a committed relationship or get married they are either irresponsible, selfish, or gay…really? I’m going to say this loud and clear and don’t ever forget it, a relationship is a HUGE responsibility! It’s an investment of time, money, energy, emotions, and you must be accountable for your comings and goings. And that’s just the beginning.
You must also be willing to compromise and put someone else’s needs before your own. You must be willing to accept everything about them from their children to their financial situation, their habits, issues with their health, and put up with their friends and family.
But here’s the most important reality about relationships, you will be impacted by every issue your partner has experienced from birth until the day they met you, whether it’s abandonment issues, baggage from previous relationships, abuse, diseases, and bad credit.
You don’t get to pick and choose which parts of the person to love…it’s all or nothing! Relationship by definition means to connect to another human being. That means connecting to your partner’s dreams and aspirations but also to their unresolved issues.
As you mature you learn what you want, but most importantly, what you don’t want! Right now I don’t want that responsibility, not because of selfishness or fear…but because I’ve learned to take the RESPONSE-ABILITY of being in a relationship more seriously. And at this point in my life, I’m not ABLE to RESPOND to another person’s needs! Some of you can related because of your focus on your education, your children, your career, sick parents, etc.
Relationships require a lot of time and energy, especially as people become more attached, and they will…it’s only natural. No matter what people tell you about being cool with you having your space or seeing other people, once sex is added into the equation all bets are off. Next thing you know the expectations and begins and the understanding you thought you had goes right out the window. That goes for men as well as women.
My reason for writing this article is in the hopes that you will think twice before crossing the line from friendship to intimacy and intimacy to marriage. Relationships are more than having sex, going out to dinner, and holding hands strolling down the street, you’re merging lives…not just kickin’ it!
But if you’re mature and “RESPONSE-ABLE” enough to go down that road, I wish you the best. The right relationship can be fulfilling and take your life to a higher level. Just be honest with yourself about whether or not you’re ready! This is not a game; you’re messing with another person’s life! Many of us had to learn this lesson the hard way… hopefully you won’t have to.
P.S.
Share this with your friends, your partner, and your children. These are lessons I teach my daughter, lessons my father should have taught me. It would have saved me a lot of valuable time and many women a lot of heartache.
Good Night Family ~ Michael Baisden
Recently, I shared with my listeners that I am single. In that Facebook post I stated, “I'm not at a point in my life where I am ready to share my hectic life and ever changing schedule with another person. To have a successful relationship you must be willing to make that special person a priority. Right now my career is my priority.”
The response was a reflection of how difficult it can be for people to accept honesty. Some women accused me of being afraid of commitment and making excuses for not settling down. Others said I was being selfish because I was not sharing my success. And the most humorous of all was that I’m gay. Excuse me for a second while I slap myself on the forehead…. unbelievable!!!!
So, let me get this right, if a man or woman chooses not to be in a committed relationship or get married they are either irresponsible, selfish, or gay…really? I’m going to say this loud and clear and don’t ever forget it, a relationship is a HUGE responsibility! It’s an investment of time, money, energy, emotions, and you must be accountable for your comings and goings. And that’s just the beginning.
You must also be willing to compromise and put someone else’s needs before your own. You must be willing to accept everything about them from their children to their financial situation, their habits, issues with their health, and put up with their friends and family.
But here’s the most important reality about relationships, you will be impacted by every issue your partner has experienced from birth until the day they met you, whether it’s abandonment issues, baggage from previous relationships, abuse, diseases, and bad credit.
You don’t get to pick and choose which parts of the person to love…it’s all or nothing! Relationship by definition means to connect to another human being. That means connecting to your partner’s dreams and aspirations but also to their unresolved issues.
As you mature you learn what you want, but most importantly, what you don’t want! Right now I don’t want that responsibility, not because of selfishness or fear…but because I’ve learned to take the RESPONSE-ABILITY of being in a relationship more seriously. And at this point in my life, I’m not ABLE to RESPOND to another person’s needs! Some of you can related because of your focus on your education, your children, your career, sick parents, etc.
Relationships require a lot of time and energy, especially as people become more attached, and they will…it’s only natural. No matter what people tell you about being cool with you having your space or seeing other people, once sex is added into the equation all bets are off. Next thing you know the expectations and begins and the understanding you thought you had goes right out the window. That goes for men as well as women.
My reason for writing this article is in the hopes that you will think twice before crossing the line from friendship to intimacy and intimacy to marriage. Relationships are more than having sex, going out to dinner, and holding hands strolling down the street, you’re merging lives…not just kickin’ it!
But if you’re mature and “RESPONSE-ABLE” enough to go down that road, I wish you the best. The right relationship can be fulfilling and take your life to a higher level. Just be honest with yourself about whether or not you’re ready! This is not a game; you’re messing with another person’s life! Many of us had to learn this lesson the hard way… hopefully you won’t have to.
P.S.
Share this with your friends, your partner, and your children. These are lessons I teach my daughter, lessons my father should have taught me. It would have saved me a lot of valuable time and many women a lot of heartache.
Good Night Family ~ Michael Baisden
